The MIL

I never knew that typing three little letters could stir up so many emotions. MIL. (Incase you don't know what MIL stands for - it's Mother-In-Law.)  <sigh> I'm hoping all of you reading this blog have a GREAT relationship with your MIL. Mine on the other hand, could use a little work. It's a little, um, tense, at the moment. 

Saturday was my son's 2nd birthday. These are suppose to be happy times, right? Right??! No; I guess this is a good time to start a fight. Over a stupid toy. The fight originated over a TOY. It was a toy that was meant for children 3 and over and she bought it for him. I simply told her (after she had taken it out of the box and put it together without approving it with my husband or I) that he couldn't have it now but could have it late in the summer when he was a little bigger and more mature that he was not ready for that toy right now. And that's when World War 3 began. 

To be quite honest, we have had our moments in the past. But they have never been this big. Through this whole ordeal (there is so much that I will not bore you with) I wondered to myself, are there other daughter-in-laws out there going through the same thing that I am? And then I found this article. Bingo.

I think the key to this entire article can be found in the following lines: 

'"From women of the older generation, there was a sense of being frozen out of the relationship," says Apter. "And from the younger generation, a sense of constant disapproval or intrusion." In Apter's study, two-thirds of women said they felt their mothers-in-law were jealous of their relationships with the sons, while two-thirds of mothers-in-law said they felt excluded by their sons' wives."'

Yep. I'm there. And I'm pretty sure she is too. It is not my intent to leave her out in the cold, but I think she thinks that she should be included in a lot more than she really is. I am of the belief that we (my husband, myself, our son and our daughter) have our own family now and it is our choice what we include them in. They don't have to be included in everything. And seeing as how they live a total of five minutes away from us, they are included in a lot. 

How do we move on? That I'm not sure of at the moment. My current tactic is "kill her with kindness." She doesn't really want to talk to me - she made that obvious at church yesterday. But I want her to know that I am being an adult in the situation and am not ignoring her. Now, the true problem that I have is that it is her fashion to just drop it and never acknowledge it again. I am going to have a problem with that this time. Even though I am being nice and saying hello and goodbye, I don't think I can just jump back to being her BFF. 

While doing research for this post, I found a book that is all about getting along with your in-laws. I most certainly think I need to read it. 

Anyone out there have any advice? Stories of your own? Let us know! I'm glad to see that I'm not alone (per the research quoted in the linked article). I just don't know what to do next...